Vulnerability in Marriage by Justin Esquivel, M.A., LPC Intern

No other human knows you quite like your spouse.  Well, maybe your mother.  Just as your mother was free to offer critique or constructive advice, I wonder if your spouse is permitted to do the same?  Let’s take a closer look at vulnerability in marriages.

Vulnerability is opening oneself to certain situations or making yourself emotionally sensitive to another.  Early life circumstances and upbringing may have taught you to guard your heart or emotions.  However, in marriages, it may not be conducive to hold defense mechanisms. Your closest ally can also be a great teacher. Personally, I have begun great marital goals designed to better parent, manage money, or become a better spouse only to learn my idea was not that great.  Ouch!  Failing as a spouse hurts but let’s consider how being vulnerable or open to feedback (if you’re adverse to the word vulnerable) may help. 

You see, your spouse is not you.  And that can be a good thing because their perspective may identify blind spots or constraints in your great plan.  Permitting yourself to be vulnerable can create deeper, meaningful relationships and allows your spouse to act as a support.  You may learn more efficient practices in which to accomplish goals. 

Though I must caution, vulnerability has risks.  If you and your spouse do not have a certain level of trust, love, and respect you may find yourself subject to stinging, unproductive comments aimed at hurting and not building you up.  If that is the case, perhaps exploring these issues in marriage counseling would be beneficial.  

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